Pansies

Dear Kayleigh,

Last night, Daddy and I planted pansies. I love looking at them and knowing that their cheery purple, blue, and yellow faces will be there to greet you when we bring you home for the first time.

Pansies have always had a special place in my heart. I think I fell in love with them when I was about 10, and by the time I was in high school, my parents' backyard was overflowing with my pansies. I used to go out every morning and collect bouquets of them to place in little vases all over my bedroom. They don't last long in a vase, so I did it all the time. Papa Chuck (I wish you could have met him! I would have loved to hear him chuckle at your cuteness) caught on to my love for pansies and would buy them for me randomly. When I moved away to Concordia for college, he bought me a beautiful glass vase of the most realistic-looking silk pansies I've ever seen. It's still displayed with love in our home today, and 6 years later, people are still asking me if they're real.

Dad's first Valentine's Day gift to me was a window box full of cheerful pansies. That guy catches on quick! No dying flowers in a vase for me...I loved having the pansies outside my dorm door to cheer the walkway.

Ever since, planting pansies has been something we love to do together. Yesterday, as we selected just the right plants to put together and dug into our bag of soil, we talked about you. Dad said he was looking forward to taking you to a garden center in a few years and letting you choose your own favorite flower. I love that he thinks like that! We'll show you all the pretty posies, see what you like best, and then bring some home for your very own. Not that we're expecting the flowers you choose at 3 or 4 years old to be "your" flower for the rest of your life, but giving you ownership of something beautiful will give us both joy.

We hope and pray that you always seek out the beauty in God's creation. There are so many wonderful things to see...we just can't wait to show you!

But today, what makes me happy is knowing that when we bring you to our front door for the first time, there will be a cheerful assembly of colorful little faces welcoming you home.

We love you, Kayleigh!

Love, Mom

Transverse

Oh Kayleigh, you little stinker.

We went to the doctor yesterday for our weekly check-up. Last week (36 weeks) the doctor felt my abdomen and pointed right above my pelvis, saying "Her head is right here. She's in the perfect position for delivery!"

It wasn't any surprise to us. Doctors and ultrasound techs have been commenting since week 20 at how impressed they are at your perfect position. Nobody thought you'd be giving us any issues.

Sigh.

Yesterday, the doctor nearly gave me a heart attack when it took her significantly longer to find your heartbeat. I was so scared as she searched around my abdomen with the wand. I nearly cried right on the table (it didn't help that I really haven't been getting much sleep this week...baby girl, you're exhausting me!)

When she finally found your heartbeat, she said, "Hmm...it wasn't where I was expecting it to be. I think your baby might have moved." She brought in this dinosaur of an ultrasound machine (apparently, they only use it for emergencies) and started scanning under my ribs. Sure enough, she found your head tucked right under the right side of my rib cage. As she scanned across the top of my abdomen, all that we could see on the screen was your spine. And then when she got to the left side of my ribs, there were your feet.

Oh you. My heart sank.

Not only are you not in the perfect position anymore, you're in just the position that makes it impossible to deliver you naturally. Kayleigh!

As Doctor Rose looked at the screen, she said, "Well, we should schedule a cesarean for two weeks from now." Dad and I looked at each other. We had already discussed together how much we wanted to avoid a c-section. We asked if there was anything we could do to get you to turn so that we wouldn't have to do surgery (Aunt Laura was a breech baby, and Gramma actually got her to turn around by doing somersaults in a pool!)

Dr. Rose told us about a medical procedure called a version where doctors manipulate the baby's position from the outside. She told us that if we didn't want a c-section, that this was our best bet. She set up an appointment for us for the next day, and told us to prepare everything to bring home our baby, just in case. "There is a risk of rupturing the placenta during the procedure, or causing too much trauma to the baby and needing to do an emergency c-section," She explained. That sounded scary.

As I drove to work straight after my appointment, I started to cry. I called my mom's cellphone, knowing that she would encourage me and pray with me. Her phone was off and went straight to voicemail. I got ridiculously panicky (sleep deprivation+pregnancy hormones+scary doctor appointment=a messy me) and nearly hyperventilated on the 10 freeway. I tried Grammy and Papa's home phone, and when Grammy picked up, I burst into tears of relief.

"Beth--Bethany? Are you ok? What's wrong?" Grammy's voice showed concern as I cried and cried.

"I'm--o--o--k!" I gasped out between sobs. "I don't--want--to--scare--you!" I knew I needed to tell her that everything was ok, because the way that I was sounding over the phone was enough to put any mother into a panic. Finally, I calmed down and was able to tell Grammy the whole story. I felt really bad for scaring her like that, and was thankful for the peace she shared with me and the way she prayed over the phone for us.

After I hung up with Grammy, I called Dad (who was on his way to work, too) and told him I didn't feel good about the procedure. He agreed. It was all too fast, and we didn't have enough information about anything to make us feel comfortable with it. I was so thankful when he told me he would call the hospital and cancel for tomorrow. What a relief!

As much as I don't want a c-section, I would rather have a planned c-section than do a procedure that could result in an emergency c-section anyway. So, we'll see. We are all praying that you'll flip back on your own. God can do anything--and we're trusting in Him.

When I got home from work yesterday, I updated my facebook status to say "‎36 weeks=head down, ready to go. 37 weeks= transverse baby? Oh, Kayleigh, noooo!" People were so encouraging with their "Don't worry! She'll turn!" comments, but my favorite came from my mom:

"As I told you yesterday, she's just snuggling close to your heart, then when she's reassured that all is well, she'll go back down. Some girls just need to feel Mommy's love every once in a while. Keeping my cell phone by me at all times - just for you!"

I hope that I can be half the wonderful encouragement to you that she is to me.

You are loved!

Love, Mom

31

Dear Kayleigh,

Today is August 31st, and it makes me ridiculously excited. Why? It's not a holiday, it's no one's birthday (not that I can think of, anyway...) it's just a plain old Wednesday. BUT, it's the last 31st of any month that I'll ever be pregnant with you.

Isn't that exciting? There's no September 31st, and there's no way that they'd let me go until Halloween without inducing, sooooooo, this is your last 31st in the oven, kiddo.

The little countdown ticker I created on the side of this blog says we have about 23 more days to go. I can't help but wonder when you actually will arrive. You move around a lot these days, but I can tell you're getting cramped. It's getting to be time. Daddy and I are so excited.

Your nursery is coming along, and I've even been working on our hospital bag. Still so many things to think of! But my friend Annie reminded me not to stress over anything because all you'll need is Daddy and me. That's such an amazing thought, Kayleigh Girl. You won't care if I've sewn the curtains for your nursery or if all of the cute little socks in your dresser are nicely organized. That's mainly for me (even Daddy laughs at me). All you'll need is our arms to hold you, my body to feed you, and Daddy to keep us both safe and cared for.

We finished our Lamaze class last night. They gave us a certificate of completion and everything. It's pretty funny, because I know there's really no way to really prepare for what's going to take place. But once you're here, it will all come together. I can't wait to be your daddy's teammate and care for you alongside of him.

With less than 31 days left before you arrive, here are 31 things I'm looking forward to:

♥ Cuddles

♥ Sleepy yawns

♥ Walks with you in your new stroller

♥ Hiccups when you're outside of me (you have several sets of hiccups every day!)

♥ Tiny diapers

♥ Playing dress-up with all of the adorable clothes you've been given

♥ Bathtime

♥ Singing to you

♥ Finding out what color your eyes will be

♥ Nibbling your fingers

♥ Belly kisses

♥ Your first smile

♥ Nursing you

♥ Reading stories to you

♥ Watching you follow movements with your developing eyes

♥ Dancing with you in my arms

♥ Waking Dad up by putting you next to him

♥ Introducing you to all kinds of music

♥ Taking pictures

♥ Listening to you coo

♥ That newborns smell

♥ Tummytime

♥ Hearing you laughing at your dad's funny faces

♥ Hairbows

♥ Making keepsakes with your hand/footprints

♥ Introducing you to new foods

♥ Watching you interact with uncle and aunts

♥ Taking you to the beach

♥ Sending videos of your cuteness to your grandmas

♥ Belly laughs

♥ Watching you sleep

Thinking of happy thoughts like these make me so excited to get to see you soon!

I love you, Sweet Kayleigh!

Love, Mom

Getting Ready

Good morning, Munchkin,

We are 36 weeks along! Can you believe it? I'm just amazed at how quickly the time has passed. I remember lying in bed at 10 weeks when I was sooo, sooo sick, thinking, "I'm only 1/4 of the way there, and it's felt like forever! How am I going to make it?" God is good, though, and I'm so thankful that the awful sickness, the fluctuating doses of anti-nausea medication, and the rushing to Urgent Care to be rehydrated with IVs only lasted for the first trimester.

You and I have done so well ever since! I'm only just beginning to feel like an old pregnant lady (sore back, swollen, harder to get up and down) but with about a month left to go, I can't complain! Most pregnant women have been dealing with that since the 6 month or so. And we get to have another ultrasound for you next week because the doctor wants to check on your size. She's concerned that you might be measuring a bit small...but Daddy and I both are betting that you're just tucked inside really well because of how tall I am. I have more room for you to lounge around in than the average person!

Today is the first Saturday I've had at our new home. I'm so excited to get lots of things done today! Your room has been coming along way too slowly for me, and I'm impatient to have it set up and ready to receive you. Not that you'll be sleeping in there for several months yet...just that I feel that once your nursery is ready, we'll be more ready. I also need to pack our hospital bag! There is so much to do, and now it's feeling like there isn't enough time.

You could be here any day now. By this upcoming Friday, you'll be considered full term. I can't wrap my head around it! I keep thinking about that first ultrasound, and how I felt like a bad mom because I couldn't make heads or tails of it, and now I can see your foot kick through my skin, and feel every roll and movement you make.

I can't wait to have you in my arms. I keep picturing mornings curled up with you and Daddy in bed after your first feeding, or sitting on the couch with Dad's arms around us both. He gives the best hugs, Baby Girl, and I hope you always feel as secure in his arms as I do. What a wonderful Dad you have!

So many wonderful things to look forward to...so soon!

Yesterday at our doctor appointment, Dr. Rose went to do the fundal height measurement, and stopped with the tape across my belly. "I have to wait for this contraction to subside before I can measure you," She said matter-of-factly.

I sat up on the table. "WHAAAAT?!?"

"Oh, yes," She went on calmly, "Your uterus is contracting right now. Do you see it?"

"Like the having a baby kind of contraction?"

"Not yet, but it's getting ready to."

I have to admit, it freaked me out a little bit. Especially with your dad being away this weekend! Hold tight for now, ok? You still have some lung maturation to do (your Auntie Em is all about that!) and I still need to pack that hospital bag. Deal?

We love you!

We're getting so close!!!

Love, Mom

Serving

Howdy Kayleigh girl,

I know that you are going to be an amazing girl and someday a woman who walks with God.  I am so excited for you to know your heavenly father and to serve Him in all that you do.  Mommy and I are going to help you understand just how important it is to help others and to serve them joyfully.  Helping others isn't always easy, and you may not get to do something else you would like to, but in your heart you know that you are praising and honoring God when you do set aside time for others.

This weekend I will be away serving a camp that provides a great ministry to children and families, and I am very happy to be able to help them.  However, it comes at the cost of being away from you and Mommy - the two girls I love more than anything in the world.  Someday it will be such a great experience to serve others with you.  I know that we are going to be a great team.

Never lose sight Kayleigh of what truly matters, sharing God's love and his grace with others.  We can do that by telling people about Him, by praying for them, and by serving them - that is what Jesus did for us, and we want to be like Jesus our savior.

I am soooo excited to be able to talk with you about Jesus and to serve Him together.  You are such a blessing to your Mommy and me already that I can't imagine how many people you will bless in the future.

Have a great weekend with Mommy!

-Love: Your doting Daddy.

Times, They Are A-Changin'

Dear Kayleigh,

Sunday night was the last night we'll get to spend with Uncle Jon and Aunt Megan at this house. They came over to stay the night with us after watching Mary Poppins on Broadway in Orange County. When they got to our house, Dad and I were folding two baskets of freshly-washed baby clothes (my friend Dalia gave you all of her daughter Chloe's adorable clothes--so sweet! And since laundry is going to cost us $2 a load at the apartment, I'm washing everything I can right now!)

They sat right down with us (in their fancy evening clothes!) and started folding little outfits, as well. We were having so much fun catching up and sharing adorable little outfits we found with each other, and then it struck all of us how much things are changing.

It was the last time they will ever spend the night with us in this little yellow home. The last time we'll sit on the couches in the den with candles burning and Uncle Jon's music of choice playing softly on the computer while we laugh and converse. We've spent so many evenings that way...so many fond memories. I've loved every morning that I've tiptoed down the hallway so that I don't wake Uncle Jon who is sprawled out on the couch, or Aunt Megan who is tucked away in the guest bedroom. I love having them here, and I love that they know they're always welcome!

But Sunday night was different. As we sat there together, we talked about the changes. Aunt Megan noted how the whole time she's known the Mueller family, everything has been the same. Aunt Laura has still been at our childhood home with Papa and Gramma Mueller, Uncle Jon has been at Biola University (that's where Uncle Jon and Aunt Megan met!), Aunt Kate has been at Azusa Pacific University, and Daddy and I have lived here. But this year, Uncle Jon, Aunt Megan, and Aunt Kate all graduated from college, Aunt Laura graduated from high school and is currently teaching English and about God's Word to children in the Czech Republic with Gramma and Papa (for three weeks altogether), Daddy and I are moving to a new place and excitedly awaiting your arrival, and Uncle Jon and Aunt Megan are engaged and get

ting married in November. What a year 2011 is!

So many changes. There we were folding your tiny baby clothes with Aunt Megan's brand new engagement ring sparkling in the lamplight. Times are changing! All wonderful changes, though, God is good.

Love, Mom

P.S. I wish you could have seen your Uncle Jon's reaction to some of your new outfits. He was having so much fun (he's SO excited to be your uncle!) and one little outfit tickled him more than ever. It's a cute little set of daisy overalls with a yellow shirt. He went nuts over how adorable it is. I can't wait to put you in it and take a picture of you with your silly uncle! How many 22 year old guys get excited about things like that!?!?

Goodbye, Little Yellow House

Dear Kayleigh,

I wish you could see the home that Daddy and I live in right now. It's a precious little yellow house in the foothills, with three bedrooms, beautiful hardwood floors, and the cheeriest personality a house ever did have. For the last three years, Dad and I have been renting it from friends. But a few months ago, our friends told us sadly that they need to sell the home. That's why we've been praying and looking for the place we'll bring you home to from the hospital.

(The first day we saw the house--April 2008)

Well, we found it last week. It's a two bedroom, two story apartment less than 5 miles from the church where Dad works. It's going to be wonderful to be so close, because right now, Dad spends about an hour driving to and from work every day. Being a 7 minute drive away will mean that he is able to spend more time with us during the day! We're so excited.

But we're really going to miss this home. It's where we've lived the entire time we've been married--the only home we've known together. Our family worked so hard to make it the beautiful home it is--Dad and his friend Greg tore out all of the old carpet 3 days before our wedding, Uncle Jon, Aunt Kate, and Aunt Laura helped us scrub the walls and paint the rooms, Papa got all speckly from painting the ceilings, and Gramma and Yiayia scrubbed the kitchen til it gleamed.

(So proud of ourselves after installing vertical blinds! 2008)

We've hosted so many wonderful gatherings at this house--Christmas parties, BBQs, bridal showers, our first Thanksgiving, Murder Mystery Dinners, birthday parties, and teas.

(Our First Thanksgiving, 2008, L-R: Aunt Kate, Gramma, Great Papa Davis, Great Gramma Davis, Yiayia, Dad, Mom, Great Ami Mueller, Great Papa Mueller, Aunt Laura, and Uncle Jon. Papa took the picture)

(Our first Christmas, 2008)

(Summer BBQ with Church Friends--before we painted the living room green! 2009)

(High School White Elephant Party, 2010)

(Team Pink! 2011)

And it was the safe-harbor for Uncle Jon, Aunt Megan, and Aunt Kate during their college years. I can't tell you how many times we got a phone call saying, "I can't stand school another minute! Can I spend the night with you guys tonight?" We loved being there for them, and we loved knowing that they were always happy to come!

(My birthday, 2009)

There have been so many happy times here...it's hard to believe that our last night in "our home" is this Friday night. On Saturday morning, our dear friends from church (the ones who threw the surprise baby shower for us up in the cabin) are coming to help us move everything to our new place. What a different experience that will be! Dad moved around a lot as a kid, so this home is actually the one he's lived in the longest. And for me, moving into the apartment will be the first time I've lived in an apartment since I was 4 years old.

Part of me wishes that you could grow up in this little home, too, and take part in all of the memories we've accumulated in the past three years. But the other part of me realizes that we're closing one door of precious memories, and moving to an entirely different stage--a stage where so many new memories will be made! Baby girl, you'll be here within the next two months. Life is going to be so completely different from anything that Daddy and I know right now. We can't even imagine. But we're so excited. So ready.

And moving to our new place means that we will finally be able to set up your nursery. I can't wait! The whole time I've been pregnant, we've known we would have to move. So there has been no nursery, no setting up of anything because I knew I wouldn't be able to bear to take it all down once we moved. But there's a room of your own in our new place, right across the hall from Dad and my room.

I can't wait for the day we get to bring you home from the hospital. And now, knowing where that home will be gives me so much peace. I can't wait to start creating memories with you!

Love, Mom