Slowing Down

My Kayleigh Girl,

Tomorrow is my last day of teaching before you are born. It doesn't seem real yet.

In my brain, I'm going to enjoy a wonderful weekend (taking Daddy to his birthday present-- an Angels vs Yankees game on Friday night--and the very last baby shower on Sunday afternoon) and then I'm going to wake up on Monday at 5:30am, hop in the car, and work with 4 year olds for 8 hours before making the hour-long drive home again.

It doesn't seem real that after tomorrow, my biggest responsibility is resting my body and preparing for you to arrive.

I'm ready. And so thankful. My body has changed so much in the last week that the girl who "barely looked pregnant" (according to most people) and could still bend over to pick things up, dance along to silly songs with her class, and tie the laces on little shoes has morphed into a woman who winces in pain with each step, and definitely has the "pregnant woman waddle" these days. It's amazing how quickly things changed!

But it's exciting, too. I know that the pain I'm experiencing is because my body is getting ready to deliver you, and that's an empowering thought.

You'll be here soon, Sweet Kayleigh, and I just can't wait.

Mornings are going to be so incredibly different when they begin with feeding you, spending time in bed with Daddy, and slow, yummy breakfasts together before sending him off to work...instead of the hectic rush we experience each morning right now trying to get me out of the door so that I don't get a big red tardy mark on my time-sheet at work. And for the record, I was parked by 7:25 yesterday, but got a red blotch on my time-sheet anyway because it took me longer than five minutes to make the painstaking walk from the street to the preschool. Grrr. This long-legged girl isn't used to being such a slow-poke!

I'm looking forward to next week. I'm going to get as much rest as I possibly can so that I will have all the energy I need when it's your time to come. Your Auntie Kim is coming to visit/keep me company for the majority of the week, and I'm picturing lots of relaxing, crafting, and movie-watching. Sounds wonderful to me!

The baby shower on Sunday is the last thing on my social calendar for September, so be a good girl and wait until your Oxnard family gets to celebrate you, but then come as quickly as you can!

I'll be ready.

I love you!

Love, Mom

What a Good Girl!

Dear Kayleigh,

God is good! You are good! What an answer to prayer!

We did it! I don't really know what did it, but I'd like to credit it to crazy things like this (just so that I don't feel ridiculous about hanging upside down on an ironing board with ice packs under my ribcage...)
We tried every trick in the book to get you to flip on your own, Kayleigh Girl. Let me tell you, that's a lot of head-rushes on my end, because nearly every DIY method includes being upside down in one way or another. Blech!

But...it worked! At our ultrasound on Tuesday, the tech said your head was down again. We're so happy! She also said you're measuring like you're already 39 weeks. What was my doctor talking about, worrying that you were measuring small?!?!? The tech estimated that you're already about 8 pounds. Whoa, girl! Slow down a little bit, ok? We have been given way too many teeny tiny clothes for you to come out as an 11 pounder :-)

If you are, we'll love you anyway!

Love, Mom

Pansies

Dear Kayleigh,

Last night, Daddy and I planted pansies. I love looking at them and knowing that their cheery purple, blue, and yellow faces will be there to greet you when we bring you home for the first time.

Pansies have always had a special place in my heart. I think I fell in love with them when I was about 10, and by the time I was in high school, my parents' backyard was overflowing with my pansies. I used to go out every morning and collect bouquets of them to place in little vases all over my bedroom. They don't last long in a vase, so I did it all the time. Papa Chuck (I wish you could have met him! I would have loved to hear him chuckle at your cuteness) caught on to my love for pansies and would buy them for me randomly. When I moved away to Concordia for college, he bought me a beautiful glass vase of the most realistic-looking silk pansies I've ever seen. It's still displayed with love in our home today, and 6 years later, people are still asking me if they're real.

Dad's first Valentine's Day gift to me was a window box full of cheerful pansies. That guy catches on quick! No dying flowers in a vase for me...I loved having the pansies outside my dorm door to cheer the walkway.

Ever since, planting pansies has been something we love to do together. Yesterday, as we selected just the right plants to put together and dug into our bag of soil, we talked about you. Dad said he was looking forward to taking you to a garden center in a few years and letting you choose your own favorite flower. I love that he thinks like that! We'll show you all the pretty posies, see what you like best, and then bring some home for your very own. Not that we're expecting the flowers you choose at 3 or 4 years old to be "your" flower for the rest of your life, but giving you ownership of something beautiful will give us both joy.

We hope and pray that you always seek out the beauty in God's creation. There are so many wonderful things to see...we just can't wait to show you!

But today, what makes me happy is knowing that when we bring you to our front door for the first time, there will be a cheerful assembly of colorful little faces welcoming you home.

We love you, Kayleigh!

Love, Mom

Transverse

Oh Kayleigh, you little stinker.

We went to the doctor yesterday for our weekly check-up. Last week (36 weeks) the doctor felt my abdomen and pointed right above my pelvis, saying "Her head is right here. She's in the perfect position for delivery!"

It wasn't any surprise to us. Doctors and ultrasound techs have been commenting since week 20 at how impressed they are at your perfect position. Nobody thought you'd be giving us any issues.

Sigh.

Yesterday, the doctor nearly gave me a heart attack when it took her significantly longer to find your heartbeat. I was so scared as she searched around my abdomen with the wand. I nearly cried right on the table (it didn't help that I really haven't been getting much sleep this week...baby girl, you're exhausting me!)

When she finally found your heartbeat, she said, "Hmm...it wasn't where I was expecting it to be. I think your baby might have moved." She brought in this dinosaur of an ultrasound machine (apparently, they only use it for emergencies) and started scanning under my ribs. Sure enough, she found your head tucked right under the right side of my rib cage. As she scanned across the top of my abdomen, all that we could see on the screen was your spine. And then when she got to the left side of my ribs, there were your feet.

Oh you. My heart sank.

Not only are you not in the perfect position anymore, you're in just the position that makes it impossible to deliver you naturally. Kayleigh!

As Doctor Rose looked at the screen, she said, "Well, we should schedule a cesarean for two weeks from now." Dad and I looked at each other. We had already discussed together how much we wanted to avoid a c-section. We asked if there was anything we could do to get you to turn so that we wouldn't have to do surgery (Aunt Laura was a breech baby, and Gramma actually got her to turn around by doing somersaults in a pool!)

Dr. Rose told us about a medical procedure called a version where doctors manipulate the baby's position from the outside. She told us that if we didn't want a c-section, that this was our best bet. She set up an appointment for us for the next day, and told us to prepare everything to bring home our baby, just in case. "There is a risk of rupturing the placenta during the procedure, or causing too much trauma to the baby and needing to do an emergency c-section," She explained. That sounded scary.

As I drove to work straight after my appointment, I started to cry. I called my mom's cellphone, knowing that she would encourage me and pray with me. Her phone was off and went straight to voicemail. I got ridiculously panicky (sleep deprivation+pregnancy hormones+scary doctor appointment=a messy me) and nearly hyperventilated on the 10 freeway. I tried Grammy and Papa's home phone, and when Grammy picked up, I burst into tears of relief.

"Beth--Bethany? Are you ok? What's wrong?" Grammy's voice showed concern as I cried and cried.

"I'm--o--o--k!" I gasped out between sobs. "I don't--want--to--scare--you!" I knew I needed to tell her that everything was ok, because the way that I was sounding over the phone was enough to put any mother into a panic. Finally, I calmed down and was able to tell Grammy the whole story. I felt really bad for scaring her like that, and was thankful for the peace she shared with me and the way she prayed over the phone for us.

After I hung up with Grammy, I called Dad (who was on his way to work, too) and told him I didn't feel good about the procedure. He agreed. It was all too fast, and we didn't have enough information about anything to make us feel comfortable with it. I was so thankful when he told me he would call the hospital and cancel for tomorrow. What a relief!

As much as I don't want a c-section, I would rather have a planned c-section than do a procedure that could result in an emergency c-section anyway. So, we'll see. We are all praying that you'll flip back on your own. God can do anything--and we're trusting in Him.

When I got home from work yesterday, I updated my facebook status to say "‎36 weeks=head down, ready to go. 37 weeks= transverse baby? Oh, Kayleigh, noooo!" People were so encouraging with their "Don't worry! She'll turn!" comments, but my favorite came from my mom:

"As I told you yesterday, she's just snuggling close to your heart, then when she's reassured that all is well, she'll go back down. Some girls just need to feel Mommy's love every once in a while. Keeping my cell phone by me at all times - just for you!"

I hope that I can be half the wonderful encouragement to you that she is to me.

You are loved!

Love, Mom

31

Dear Kayleigh,

Today is August 31st, and it makes me ridiculously excited. Why? It's not a holiday, it's no one's birthday (not that I can think of, anyway...) it's just a plain old Wednesday. BUT, it's the last 31st of any month that I'll ever be pregnant with you.

Isn't that exciting? There's no September 31st, and there's no way that they'd let me go until Halloween without inducing, sooooooo, this is your last 31st in the oven, kiddo.

The little countdown ticker I created on the side of this blog says we have about 23 more days to go. I can't help but wonder when you actually will arrive. You move around a lot these days, but I can tell you're getting cramped. It's getting to be time. Daddy and I are so excited.

Your nursery is coming along, and I've even been working on our hospital bag. Still so many things to think of! But my friend Annie reminded me not to stress over anything because all you'll need is Daddy and me. That's such an amazing thought, Kayleigh Girl. You won't care if I've sewn the curtains for your nursery or if all of the cute little socks in your dresser are nicely organized. That's mainly for me (even Daddy laughs at me). All you'll need is our arms to hold you, my body to feed you, and Daddy to keep us both safe and cared for.

We finished our Lamaze class last night. They gave us a certificate of completion and everything. It's pretty funny, because I know there's really no way to really prepare for what's going to take place. But once you're here, it will all come together. I can't wait to be your daddy's teammate and care for you alongside of him.

With less than 31 days left before you arrive, here are 31 things I'm looking forward to:

♥ Cuddles

♥ Sleepy yawns

♥ Walks with you in your new stroller

♥ Hiccups when you're outside of me (you have several sets of hiccups every day!)

♥ Tiny diapers

♥ Playing dress-up with all of the adorable clothes you've been given

♥ Bathtime

♥ Singing to you

♥ Finding out what color your eyes will be

♥ Nibbling your fingers

♥ Belly kisses

♥ Your first smile

♥ Nursing you

♥ Reading stories to you

♥ Watching you follow movements with your developing eyes

♥ Dancing with you in my arms

♥ Waking Dad up by putting you next to him

♥ Introducing you to all kinds of music

♥ Taking pictures

♥ Listening to you coo

♥ That newborns smell

♥ Tummytime

♥ Hearing you laughing at your dad's funny faces

♥ Hairbows

♥ Making keepsakes with your hand/footprints

♥ Introducing you to new foods

♥ Watching you interact with uncle and aunts

♥ Taking you to the beach

♥ Sending videos of your cuteness to your grandmas

♥ Belly laughs

♥ Watching you sleep

Thinking of happy thoughts like these make me so excited to get to see you soon!

I love you, Sweet Kayleigh!

Love, Mom

Getting Ready

Good morning, Munchkin,

We are 36 weeks along! Can you believe it? I'm just amazed at how quickly the time has passed. I remember lying in bed at 10 weeks when I was sooo, sooo sick, thinking, "I'm only 1/4 of the way there, and it's felt like forever! How am I going to make it?" God is good, though, and I'm so thankful that the awful sickness, the fluctuating doses of anti-nausea medication, and the rushing to Urgent Care to be rehydrated with IVs only lasted for the first trimester.

You and I have done so well ever since! I'm only just beginning to feel like an old pregnant lady (sore back, swollen, harder to get up and down) but with about a month left to go, I can't complain! Most pregnant women have been dealing with that since the 6 month or so. And we get to have another ultrasound for you next week because the doctor wants to check on your size. She's concerned that you might be measuring a bit small...but Daddy and I both are betting that you're just tucked inside really well because of how tall I am. I have more room for you to lounge around in than the average person!

Today is the first Saturday I've had at our new home. I'm so excited to get lots of things done today! Your room has been coming along way too slowly for me, and I'm impatient to have it set up and ready to receive you. Not that you'll be sleeping in there for several months yet...just that I feel that once your nursery is ready, we'll be more ready. I also need to pack our hospital bag! There is so much to do, and now it's feeling like there isn't enough time.

You could be here any day now. By this upcoming Friday, you'll be considered full term. I can't wrap my head around it! I keep thinking about that first ultrasound, and how I felt like a bad mom because I couldn't make heads or tails of it, and now I can see your foot kick through my skin, and feel every roll and movement you make.

I can't wait to have you in my arms. I keep picturing mornings curled up with you and Daddy in bed after your first feeding, or sitting on the couch with Dad's arms around us both. He gives the best hugs, Baby Girl, and I hope you always feel as secure in his arms as I do. What a wonderful Dad you have!

So many wonderful things to look forward to...so soon!

Yesterday at our doctor appointment, Dr. Rose went to do the fundal height measurement, and stopped with the tape across my belly. "I have to wait for this contraction to subside before I can measure you," She said matter-of-factly.

I sat up on the table. "WHAAAAT?!?"

"Oh, yes," She went on calmly, "Your uterus is contracting right now. Do you see it?"

"Like the having a baby kind of contraction?"

"Not yet, but it's getting ready to."

I have to admit, it freaked me out a little bit. Especially with your dad being away this weekend! Hold tight for now, ok? You still have some lung maturation to do (your Auntie Em is all about that!) and I still need to pack that hospital bag. Deal?

We love you!

We're getting so close!!!

Love, Mom

Serving

Howdy Kayleigh girl,

I know that you are going to be an amazing girl and someday a woman who walks with God.  I am so excited for you to know your heavenly father and to serve Him in all that you do.  Mommy and I are going to help you understand just how important it is to help others and to serve them joyfully.  Helping others isn't always easy, and you may not get to do something else you would like to, but in your heart you know that you are praising and honoring God when you do set aside time for others.

This weekend I will be away serving a camp that provides a great ministry to children and families, and I am very happy to be able to help them.  However, it comes at the cost of being away from you and Mommy - the two girls I love more than anything in the world.  Someday it will be such a great experience to serve others with you.  I know that we are going to be a great team.

Never lose sight Kayleigh of what truly matters, sharing God's love and his grace with others.  We can do that by telling people about Him, by praying for them, and by serving them - that is what Jesus did for us, and we want to be like Jesus our savior.

I am soooo excited to be able to talk with you about Jesus and to serve Him together.  You are such a blessing to your Mommy and me already that I can't imagine how many people you will bless in the future.

Have a great weekend with Mommy!

-Love: Your doting Daddy.